Admittedly, I don't know enough about 40 times to judge...

So I'll throw this out there for my (very few) readers. Fudging or no?

Has Florida achieved ludicrous speed?

As the anticipation grows...

A look back at the myriad ways Florida's D effed up Peyton Manning, courtesy of EDSBS. He never beat Florida. Heh.

So you're sayin' there's a chance...

A little busy on the homefront but definitely gearing up for the first weekend in September. In the meantime, here's a little piece that gives me hope for all band geeks:

Lead us to victory, skinny white kid!

Ladies and gents, the glamour gals of Tennessee!

You seriously cannot make this shit up:

Oh, he's turning the program around, alright.

I cannot wait to see how this turns out

And I'm glad they're up to something again--I was getting a little bored. Although can you imagine the graffiti possibilities? 

Inappropriate? Possibly. Funny as hell? Quite.

At least, it was to me. Here's Clay Travis at SEC Media Days asking Tim Tebow if he's saving himself for marriage. Not surprising that the answer is yes. Very amusing to hear how it went down, though: linky-linky.

So I suppose their new fight song will be "Hi-Ho"?

Because agreed: this is pretty freaking stupid. Especially because I know they paid some consultant some exorbitant amount of cash to come up with it.  

Deadspin, for the win

It's marginally college football-related. But seriously, Deadspin's commenters are usually pretty stellar. So saying that I think this post generates the best comments I've read there to date is, well, saying a lot. Enjoy.

Worth a chuckle

This is nothing new, just Sporting News' take on the latest Kiffin infraction, but it made me laugh, so here 'tis.

Sixth verse, same as the first

Seriously. We may be up to six secondary recruiting violations now. That's... impressive. 

Do I think ESPN might have tried to set him up? Sure. But the point is, he took the bait. 

Emperor Palpatine would not be amused

I propose a new motto for the town of Gainesville, Fla.: We will taze a bro.

BTW, as usual, the comments are some of the best parts of the piece.

Big round of applause

Not only is this genius... I can actually see it happening. Best line, hands down: "Passing game coordinator"? What in the good cow-tipping fuck is that?"

P.S. Yes, I realize that it was written by a Georgia fan. But it's that good anyway.

Works for me

Number-crunching forecast for Sept. 19, 2009. A day most highly anticipated in these here parts.

Why I love the SEC, part XXI

Because dadgummit, it's the conference that manages to keep even the off-season entertaining.

What's your vote?

Here's a rather inventive poll from stylepointsblog: 

How Will Lane Kiffin Get In Trouble Next?

I chose carrier pigeon; I'm old-fashioned that way. Given my target audience, however, I'm guessing that most will choose No. 3. If only to indulge in wishful thinking.

Seriously, is he made of fiberglass or something?

I think Harvin should check in with the CDC. I'm guessing he's harboring every germ imaginable.

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20090519/ARTICLES/905199929/1136/SPORTS?Title=Harvin-back-with-Vikes

No, really?

Wow. At this point, it's almost beyond comical and moving into retarded.

Tennessee to self-report another secondary violation

I am disappointed by the claim that it was a new staffer who posted the Tweet in contention. If only because I really could sense Kiffin's earnest stupidity in prior Tweets. I'm just going to pretend that it was him and that this is some quickly concocted excuse. Which...

Still up for grabs: Who is crazier, Kiffin or Davis?

Courtesy of http://withleather.uproxx.com/, this comes from former Hokie and former Raiders player DeAngelo Hall:

"Probably the funniest thing, I was pretty close to Lane Kiffin…and after they fired Lane and were about to announce who the next coach was - I don’t know if you guys saw this in the media world, but I was actually sitting there live, me and a couple other players there in the back. And [Davis] went through this whole spiel of what happened…and said our next coach is Tom Cable, he’s going to be our interim coach. When everybody paused for Tom to come in, like a breakoff. [Davis] goes to the media guide and not even whispering says ‘hey, anyone got any information on this Tom Cable guy, I don’t know where he comes from.’ That’s just vintage Al Davis. Making a move, not really knowing why, no real justification for doing it. But just saying, ‘hey, I want this guy, let’s get him, I’ll figure everything else out later.’ And that’s just how Al Davis is."

Lane Kiffin is karma's bitch

While I have no doubt that he'll be able to turn this around by making nice--assuming, of course, that he doesn't screw that up, too--it's still funny to watch it all pan out in the meantime. I'm also starting to think he never attended kindergarten: we don't say things that might hurt other people's feelings, Lane.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/content/sports/epaper/2009/05/11/a1c_pahokee_0512.html

He is just so photogenic

Winning friends, influencing high school principals

Lane Kiffin truly is the gift that keeps on giving, not just for us but also for UT recruiting efforts.

Exhibit A: http://www.soflafootball.com/feature/vols-back-in-pahokee-sort-of

To wit: "The whole nation knows about Tennessee Head Coach Lane Kiffin’s regrettable remarks towards the Pahokee community shortly after landing Richardson. It appears those comments still ring in the ears of some at Pahokee High, as coaches from Tennessee attempted to visit Pahokee earlier in the week.

“'The principal kicked them out because he’s still mad at the coach or something like that,' said Ford.'

Seems like people down in South Florida have long memories. Good thing that's not fertile ground for recruits or anything.

Because I want to end the day on a bit less of a downer

The one, the only, the befuddled: I present to you Coach Kiffin.

Not for the faint of heart

Here's the official judicial opinion that describes what Hood did. I could barely read it, and I'm only posting it as my final input on this matter (for now). I'm sure you can guess my opinion. And I'm equally sure there's a "Tennessee cousins" joke in here, I just don't feel like making it after reading this. WTF is wrong with kids these days?

http://www.tsc.state.tn.us/OPINIONS/TCA/PDF/064/HooddaOPN.pdf

But hey: "He’s apparently a friendly young man who gets along well with his peers." Just not his relatives, I guess.

Sorry, gotta disagree.

Entirely. And I'm sorry for deviating from the usual humorous (or attempt at such) nature of this site, but I consider rape to be a crime that gets far too light a slap on the wrist. Juvvie record or no, that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. Knowingly recruiting someone with this history, no matter how glowing the letters of recommendation, doesn't speak much for Kiffin's character, in my opinion. Hell, even Fulmer turned the guy away when he found out his record. Should be interesting to see how this all pans out. I'm starting to be reminded a lot of Nebraska under Tom Osbourne.

http://www.sportingnews.com/blog/the_sporting_blog/entry/view/23872/tennessee_signs_a_recruit_who_helped_rape_someone._this_may_not_be_a_bad_thing.

Just found Deadspin's take, which I think asks some good questions about this. Also, the details are a little different--the sportingnews.com report didn't (at least in my read-through) imply that the kid actually also raped; it just says "helped rape" (which, WTF, anyway?). Obviously a lot more to be learned about this. But in the meantime:

http://deadspin.com/5242854/should-lane-kiffin-be-recruiting-convicted-rapists

Deviating from college football

I have a legitimate concern: Are we sure that Tommy Lasorda is actually still alive? Or were they merely filming "Weekend at Tommy's"?

Because Waterboy rules

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umlFRUE6zoY

Throwing a T-bone to my viewing audience

Because let's face it: I'm the only female of the species who visits this site. So here's my gift to you, courtesy of my (and your) friend Jody:

http://tebows.com/

Yep.

What's old is new again

This is the same violation mentioned a few posts below. But I am posting Deadspin's take on it because I'm the one (the ONLY one in the nation, surely) who sent them the tip. So, I am officially a freelance sports reporter, folks. You're lucky you know me. That, or I'm a total loser who needs a hobby until September rolls around, take your pick.

http://deadspin.com/5228563/someone-take-away-lane-kiffins-phone

Fun with Lane and technology

This really just speaks for itself:

http://www.tiderinsider.com/mb/msg/6536585.html#6536585

I suppose I shouldn't be laughing so hard and that I need to grow up, right? Well, we all knew that, anyway.

Spring practice fun

So, we went to today's scrimmage, which was pretty much what you expect--not too much action (although a couple of nice td passes, one from each qb, and some on-the-spot field goals). Meaning that we were left to devise our own fun.

One of the best games? Taking stock of two rather, er, noticeable players and then trying to figure out who they were when we got back to a computer. No. 3 was distinctive (besides his junior dreds, my absolute least favorite hair trend for players) because I looked at him and immediately said, "I swear, I'm as tall as he is." It was certainly entertaining watching him go up against a 6-foot-plus player in drills. No. 44 also stood out because I think if you look up "sparkplug" in Webster's, it'd show him--he was almost as wide as he was tall (which again, wasn't very, but he didn't look quite as Lilliputian as No. 3).

So I logged on to Hokiesports.com and saw, sure enough, that they're not in the numbered roster. Thus began the hunt. For No. 3, I scanned heights... a couple of 5'9"s, so no... and then, yes: he really is 5'6". My exact height. CB Justin Sinclair. Think I can take him?

No. 44 proved equally as easy--scanned the 5'9"s and 5'10"s, then looked at the weights... and yup: 5'9", 245 lbs. LB (duh) Tim Richardson.

And if THIS little venture--much less that I'm bothering POSTING about it--doesn't prove that I'm desperate for college football action, nothing ever will.

Finally, a note of sadness: ESPN is not televising today's Orange and Blue Game. Sigh. I know the rest of you are relieved to be spared the Tim Tebow show. Enjoy it while it lasts.*


* For the record, I don't approve of the Tebow media saturation. The last thing in the world that I want is for us to become the next Notre Dame. Bleagh.

I'm going to need a calculator to add these up...

Seriously, is there really anyone willing to defend him as being crazy like a fox instead of just crazy stupid?

http://www.thestate.com/breaking/story/752547.html

Like deer in headlights

Just as I am lamenting that someone must have put duct tape over Kiffin's mouth, thus giving me nothing to work with, I stumble across this photo.



Honestly, it's delightful. I love that they coordinated their shirts to represent, that there seems to be absolutely nothing going on behind either set of eyes, and that they both appear to be mouth-breathers. Awesome.

Caption this, if you dare.

It does pay to be stupid

According to reports, this is the Kiffins' new residence. Not bad. I have to assume that Layla--who is a Florida grad and, much to my delight, owns a photo of Tim Tebow, according to none other than Lane--picked it out.

http://www.realtyexecutivesknoxville.com/index.cfm/Home-Search-56.html?event=listingDetail&ListingID=284568

(And yes, it really is a slow news time around here.)

Shamelessly borrowed post

New football definitions from Every Day Should Be Saturday:

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/04/08/neologisms-2009-edition/#more-9873

Two of my favorites:

Stinespringensumpfenheit: The unique state of being stuck in the morass of an offense coordinated by Virginia Tech OC Brian Stinespring.

Meyerplexy: A continuous neuromuscular spasm resulting in uncontrollable rigid pointing of the index finger and arm for hours at a stretch.

odds and ends

You might notice a few odd things about my sites for the next few weeks. Such as that someone named "Chris" is entering the posts. Long story short (is there ever such a thing?), my blogger account is being used for my graduate class project on product placements in blogs. I've created six dummy blogs for testing purposes, and these will be live for the undergrads. Should be interesting. Also, I will be (even more) absent during this time, due to work and school commitments. Meanwhile, I'm about ready to be committed.

See you around...

How 'bout them Vols!

Just because I can

I present to you Andre Smith, ladies and germs. Formerly of Bama, soon to be... somewhere?

In his own words...

So, yeah, he really is just as dopey-sounding as he is in appearance. And to address a few points:

1) Yes, it's great that recruits will see UT's logo in Florida's dressing room... along with the stupid things that you've said as a reminder that you are, well, stupid. And a liar. But, awesome, job well done!
2) There is no such thing as bulletin board material? Raise your hand if you believe that. (I'm looking at you, Richt.)
3) You, sir, are no Spurrier. Please drop the visor and back away. It makes you look even dopier, anyway.
4) I like that his defense about the gas-pumping comment is that SC has full-service stations, so duh, of course he wouldn't have said that!
5) I think that he "connects with the players" because he shares their mentality. No-brainer, really.

But don't take my word for it, watch for yourselves:

http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/video?id=4012034

Picture pages, picture pages

I don't care who you are...

... that's funny.

Chomping at the bit for September

Are we there yet? Huh? When will we be there? I wanna be there NOW...

http://myespn.go.com/blogs/sec/0-5-242/Florida-players--Kiffin-s-comments-make-it-personal.html

Um... what exactly is he trying to sell to the Florida players, again?

http://deadspin.com/5176938/lane-kiffin-would-like-you-to-know-that-lane-kiffin-is-not-crazy

"Glancing at the phone picture, the coach smiled and said, 'Beautiful. Awesome. Wonderful. They even put our logo on it. Free advertising and we didn't have to pay for it.'"

I never said he was crazy. Just stupid. And I thank him for proving my point.

Well, dadgummit

I think I'm going to have to go off-script here and extend the boundaries of this blog so that it encompasses general football craziness, since it seems to be so rampant. Kiffin, however, does make an excellent figurehead, wouldn't you agree?

Anyhoo, here's a link to some comments made by T.K. Weatherell, F$U's president--let me repeat that: PRESIDENT--at a press conference on Tuesday. He was later forced to write a letter of apology to said "dipshit school." And people wonder why F$U can't get back on track?

http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_college_fsu/2009/03/tk-wetherell-goes-off-the-script.html

Because it cannot be said too often: I love college football. This is one of the many reasons why.

More on "former Oakland coach and current walking gift to sports blogging"

Now, this one is actually looking a little more serious. In part because this continues to make Al Davis look like the sane one in this dysfunctional relationship, and in part because of the not-so-veiled threat in the third paragraph from the bottom. I'm a little concerned as to where this might lead because in no way, shape, or form do I want Kiffin gone before we spank him handily in September. I'm fully expecting Meyer to idly twirl a paddle in his hands on the sideline for the duration of the game.

http://deadspin.com/5170050/the-lane-kiffin-era-continues-its-inexorable-slide-into-craziness

And here I thought they'd gone and gagged him

But no, he's still voicing whatever stray thoughts happen to drift through his wee little brain. Naturally, I love it. I hope he's at Tennessee forever.

http://deadspin.com/5167331/play-football-for-lane-kiffin-or-suffer-the-minimum-wage-consequences

You won't like Meyer when he's angry

Being Meyer, he doesn't say much. But I can feel the seething from here.

http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/sports_college_uf/2009/03/exclusive-urban-meyer-addresses-lane-kiffin-cheating-accusations.html

Oooookay...

This pretty much speaks for itself: http://blogs.ajc.com/georgia-football-recruiting/2009/03/02/kiffins-tennessee-staff-ripping-off-shirts-for-recruiting/.

Best quote? "All four of the players said they never saw Lane Kiffin lose his shirt. “He was on the side, just watching and smiling,” Volger said."

I bet he was.

it's contagious!

So, Kiffinitis is evidently spreading to his staff. Reggie Bush? Boy, they ARE gonna be good next year.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/palmbeach/ufblog/entries/2009/02/26/the_legend_of_nukeese_richards.html#jump

picture pages

Second verse, similar to the first

Sadly, I don't think that even he is dumb enough to pretend that he fired UT's president. But that would defy all previous levels of awesome.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/127612-lane-kiffen-fires-tennessees-president-as-sec-rivals-sing-send-in-the-clowns

Awesome

Thanks to Jody for enabling me by sending me this clip. And thanks to the ESPN sportscaster for the excellent sound bite:

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/lane-kiffin-bricks-free-throws/2400037821

Nice try

Let it be said upfront that I really enjoy reading Clay Travis' contributions about the SEC--UT fan or no. His "Dixieland Delight" is an extremely entertaining look at SEC football. (Granted, he wrote it the year that Florida won the '96 nat'l championship, but still. I recommend it for all die-hard football fans.)

At any rate, he's disappointed me by being a Kiffin apologist. Here's his latest take on his new HC. I don't buy it, but it's an interesting read nonetheless:

http://www.claytravis.net/mailbag/2009/02/is-sec-football-21st-century-new-york.html

A thousand words

Business as usual

Hmph. I really wish that my man Lane hadn't forced me to quote Mike Bianchi post, but here it is; can't argue with the man.

Coach Kiffin leaves rotten impression

Mike Bianchi | SPORTS COMMENTARY

10:51 PM EST, February 13, 2009

"How bad is it when an entire city is now protesting your college football coach?

"And how bad is it when even your own athletic director essentially calls your football coach a liar?

"Just ask University of Tennessee fans. In the last week, new coach/pathological liar Lane Kiffin has become the laughing stock of the entire country.

"It was bad enough when the Pahokee Chamber of Commerce officially penned a letter of protest for derogatory remarks Kiffin made about Pahokee High School in the wake of signing Pahokee receiver Nu'Keese Richardson last week.

"Then comes this: In the latest issue of Sports Illustrated, Kiffin claims he fired one UT employee and others had been "run off" because they could not keep up with his hectic work schedule. One problem: When the Knoxville News Sentinel checked on the story, UT Athletic Director Mike Hamilton said, "He has not fired anybody. If he said he has fired somebody, that's not true."

"So let's review, shall we?

"In the last few days, Kiffin has falsely accused Florida Coach Urban Meyer of breaking NCAA rules, broken NCAA rules himself, instructed a recruit to lie to the media, lied to the media himself, been reprimanded by the SEC, impugned the integrity of Pahokee High School, been forced to issue public apologies to Pahokee High and UF and, last but not least, proven Al Davis to be somewhat sane after all.

"Points out one wise reader: With Lane Kiffin in charge, Rocky Top is starting to smell more and more like Rotten Top."


Cheesy end to the article aside, I suspect that referencing Bianchi may become a trend. Where's the V-Day love, Kiffin?

"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it."

Only appropriate to quote an actor who closely resembles Fulmer, I think. Anyway, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep up with Kiffey... this comes from the Knoxville News-Sentinel (http://www.govolsxtra.com/news/2009/feb/13/ut-reporting-kiffin-comment-brown-violation/?partner=RSS):


UT reporting Kiffin comment on Brown as secondary violation

By Drew Edwards (Contact)
Originally published 04:36 p.m., February 13, 2009
Updated 04:36 p.m., February 13, 2009

Tennessee is reporting another secondary violation involving UT coach Lane Kiffin.

Kiffin, in a radio interview Friday morning, mentioned recruit Bryce Brown by name and called him “a great player.”

Kiffin's comments came in response to a question about the recent trend of elite players who waiting until after signing day to sign a national letter of intent.

“Once very talented players do things, it becomes the cool thing to do and so the next guy does it and more and more guys do it,” Kiffin said on The Sports Page. “I think what's going to happen is you're going to see... great players like Bryce Brown are doing it now. So now it's going to be more next year and more and more next year.”

It is unclear whether the violation occurred because Kiffin mentioned Brown by name or if it was because he referred to Brown as a “great player.”

NCAA rules prohibit a coach from commenting “generally about the student-athletes' ability” before the prospect has signed a letter of intent.

Tennessee's compliance office reviewed the audio and will submit a self-report to the SEC and NCAA.

The violation does not affect the eligibility of Brown, the top-rated recruit in the nation according to Rivals.com. Brown, who has yet to sign a letter of intent, is visiting UT this weekend.

Friday's violation is the third self-report UT has filed involving the football program since Lane Kiffin was hired in December.

UT committed two secondary violations during official visit weekends in January, although both have been resolved and UT is not expected to receive additional punishment from either the NCAA or SEC.

More updates online and in tomorrow's News Sentinel.

Lane Kiffin as Col. Nathan Jessup

Shamelessly borrowed from the comments section of Deadspin.com:

"You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at pants parties, you want me in Knoxville, you need me in Knoxville. We use words like Saban, Meyer, Fulmer. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to win football games. You bloggers use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a commentariat who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the insanity-related humor I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you." Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a smoke machine and recruit a player. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to cause I'm going home to that (points to Layla)."

Love it.

So, let's catch up on what he's done so far

Really, these eloquents have summed up his actions far better than I can, so I'm just going to link away...

http://deadspin.com/5149745/lane-kiffin-crazy-genius-or-just-crazy

http://deadspin.com/5153030/lane-kiffin-may-be-allergic-to-the-truth

http://www.cbssports.com/columns/story/11352943

http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2009/02/13/was-al-davis-right-about-lane-kiffin

And this is less on what Lane has done than how the Vols are reacting to criticism of him. I love Doyel; coincidence that he's a Gator? Nah.

http://www.cbssports.com/columns/story/11370807/rss